for YOUR emotional future (a letter for me)

 This is how you made it through (and currently making it through):

Therapy: relevant. at most. you need to talk to someone that won't judge you for anything you've done. you need someone who WILL analyze everything about your recent actions and feelings. this is by far the best method to do it, so if you ever feel deep blue, GO TO THERAPY.

Pills (?): since you got diagnosed... take them and don't fall for your vices. remember: your vices will drag you down to where you don't want to go. you'll miss everybody if you don't take them. you'll go back to when you started and YOU DON'T WANT TO FALL BACK. there's absolutely no one behind your unique mentality.

FAMILY: you know you've always trusted them and they have always been there for you. especially mom, pops and brother. your daughter is growing so you don't need to charge her with your current emotions still, since they feel weird and heavy for the rest. just picture how she could feel. and don't stop calling them. CALL BACK too.

Friends: visit them, push them to visit you, and even if you don't wanna see them... LET THEM COME OR GO. force yourself to see them. people love you, 'cause you can remember you gave love to them too.

Tasks: you've got a flat, you've got clothes, you've got a beard, hair, dishes, food. Remember to eat your veggies and remember the fruit. eating well, as drinking that motherfucking coffee every single morning will help you enjoy life. and always remember... your house needs a cleaning every once in a while, AND OH, don't forget to change sheets.

Money: you hate it. and you'll hate it for the rest of your life. but it keeps "some" emotions at some point. sometimes you'd love to eat at Nuria with your daughter. don't forget her smile. and don't forget pokemon cards. she's into it. she's your happiness. every single aspect of your life will need money. as far as you hate it, you need it. MAKE IT RAIN.

Writing: as long as you feel numb, dark blue, depressive... go back to writing. IT HELPS A LOT.  A FREAKING DAMN LOT. Writing is therapy and you're doing this because of your future. You're WORRIED. and that feeling is relevant. always try to keep the writing ahead, practice your languages, don't stop talking in english with mili.

Exercise: keep. working. your. muscles. you love watching them grow at the mirror. you love your big shoulder and breast work. keep lowering your belly size. it increases your self esteem A LOT. try and stay healthy.

Vices: some of them, like smoking tobacco, will keep your anxiety at certain cool levels. but remember you'll have to keep it until you're thirty. you made a promise with yourself when you started smoking it. thirty years is the maximum age you'll admit smoking. and smoke marihuana whenever you feel comfortable, not depressive, with someone. but don't do it alone. not anymore. occasional is just the way to go. and try to drink alcohol only with someone that will drink at the same pase as yours. otherwise you'll start being someone elses problem. 

I know someday I will balance every single one of these aspects above. But whenever I feel idiot, mad, sad, blue... I can always run back here. Here's my friendly reminder of everything I need to do so I can keep it through. I have a mental condition that will live with you forever, so you MUST read this whenever that depressive flow shows again. And stay away from home until I get over her (?). I know I will make it regardless of what's next. Stop comparing to others. I will always remind me of my ability to break through the toughest walls. Life is a bitch. But I can dance with her too.

AND THERE'S ALWAYS A TIME IN MY LIFE THAT WILL SHOW HOW I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH. 'CAUSE I CAN. BECAUSE I MOTHERFUCKING CAN.

Remember: this was written meanwhile the toughest shit was going through your LIFE. I can make it. I will always be able to MAKE IT RAIN.

Don't forget: I'm first.

From J to J